"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

Friday, October 28, 2011

Catch 22...

I'm missing Ray alot today.  There's alot going on this weekend and I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed.  It will be ok... one thing at a time will get everything done.  But, for some reason, today it seems like there is a mountain that stands before me and someone has taken my walking stick away.

I talked to Ray earlier and he assures me that "I can handle it."  I'm not sure if he's saying that to make me or himself feel better. I guess he's right, I can "handle it" but, it's not fun handling it alone.  I get stressed out and we laugh.  We laugh alot, it makes things more fun.  I'm not laughing right now.

We get into a catch 22 while he's gone.  Men like to solve problems.  When he is gone, he can't "do" anything to help.  When we talk, I try to share what's going on, good and bad.  If it's something he can't fix, he feels bad that he isn't here.  If I don't share, he thinks everything is going fine and we don't need him.  This life isn't for the faint of heart.  I have to trust in God and my husband.  I have to trust that God will get us through this and I have to trust that Ray knows that I do need him every second.  He is my life support.  Although, each day will go on and daily tasks will get done, my life is not complete unless he is here sharing it with me.

The picture is a typical day in our house.  Ray comes home, takes his uniform off and hangs it on the door. Today, the door is empty...

"Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Proverbs 3:3

1 comment:

  1. You're exactly right, it is a Catch 22. You know, I've done this for a couple of years:) and what I've come to realize is that so much effort is put into how to make a deployment not seem like a deployment. You can't do that. Separation is hard and it should be. By design we are one with our spouses. When we are not together, we are not whole. I definitely don't think you should download everything everyday on your spouse (that goes both ways:)!), but my advice is always to just live. Share your life ... good and bad. It is good to feel needed ... even if it is frustrating to not be able to help. I think overall Ray would rather feel helpless than not needed. Nothing is perfect and if we acknowledge that it's tough, then I think we can handle a little better. After all, you can't make it something that it isn't. You can't live a lie. It is so tough, I know, but in the toughness, that is where you find your blessings. That is where you give thanks, true thanks, for the gift of loving someone so much it is difficult to live without them. There is huge blessing in that. Huge. Praying for you!